2 minute readIf you were taught the Smurfs and Harry Potter were portals into the demonic realm, you might be a Pentecostal. If you were told rap music contains Satanic rhythms that subconsciously train our spirits to align with unnatural bio-mystical frequencies, you might be a Pentecostal. If you were warned about shadow world governments led by socialist Illuminati who are laying the groundwork for the global rule of the Anti-Christ, you might be a Pentecostal. It sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy joke, but these are honest-to-God examples from my church background.
Today the conspiracy theories have taken on a populist flair through the echo chambers of social media. It’s these bizarre claims about global currency resets, the incursion of Sharia Law into American government, Bill Gates ushering in the New World Order with vaccine microchips, Tom Hanks eating babies, Jewish space lasers, Joe Biden and the Deep State stealing the election, and JFK, Jr. being resurrected in Dealey Plaza.1 As wackadoodle as my Pentecostal background was, however, it looks sane compared to what’s now seeping into mainstream Christian culture.
The disease causing all these symptoms? A virulent strain of Neo-Gnosticism. Gnosticism was a diverse slew of ancient heretical groups in early Christianity, but what united them was a belief in hidden, mystical knowledge that was not widely available or known. It’s the same phenomenon today. It’s assumed that nothing is as it seems because there’s hidden plots by nefarious forces all around us. Expertise is treated with suspicion and factual knowledge is subordinated to personal experience. Quite conveniently, all you can trust is your own personalized divine revelation.
We inhabit Bizarro World. Much of contemporary Christian culture would now instinctively dismiss a theologian’s scholarly book that’s published by Oxford University Press yet would defend as a “prophet” a fringe survivalist who declares God’s support for Vladimir Putin, lives in a seclude Montana cabin, and self-publishes a series of borderline incoherent pamphlets about secret messages embedded within the Bible that is only revealed through cryptic numerology.2 This kind of insidiously toxic distortion of Christian spirituality is growing rapidly.
The original beatniks were often dismissed as pseudo-intellectuals, but I’m unaware of any predilection toward conspiracy theories. What I can say is that beatnik Christianity has zero patience for them, especially of the religious variety. “Hello? Oh, sure, I’ll pass that message along.” 6th grade called. It wants to remind gullible Christians that The AP is a reputable source and http://www.demonicsmurfportals.angelfire.com is not. Seriously, though, many of us Jesus followers now have an immunoresponse to this unhinged insanity. Keep it away from us.
